Thursday was my last day of school. One more semester until I graduate. Lord willing. It is such a relief to not worry about doing a homework or having to study for a quiz or an exam. Oh, and write a paper every week.
I had been sleep deprived. School was not just the reason why I was up until 2 or 3am in the morning for the past few months. I’d like to share the reasons behind my lack of posting. I plan to write once a week from now on and not just whenever I am on vacation. There’s no valid reason why I was not able to post a blog nor even do a Sunday Currently Series. It was not like I was not inspired. I had a lot to say. Believe me.
I am currently experiencing emotional pain. This season is a test of my faith and patience. I dread the night time when I know I would be in darkness; and when I lay my head I would start to cry. The verse I recite to divert my thoughts is Psalm 30:5. I was very moody – well, I still am but working on being extra patient. With a broken heart and a crushed soul, it made me even more mad. I hate this feeling. I’m exhausted and tired. It got to the point where I started to miss my old self. A comment on my fb made me realize the state I am in:
“I love seeing your happy and kind face, Yssh.”
Which I responded under my breath, “Me too.”
My friend LOVES seeing a happy face of Isha. Honestly, Isha’s not been happy nor kind. If you knew me, you would be shocked on how much I changed.
I will be very open on my next posts on what could be the reasons why I am like this. I know for a fact that my lack of time with God is one – which happens to be the most important. I have been so distant from Him that it has affected me a lot and how I treat the people around me. A concerned coworker approached me. She shared the things she noticed about me -one is how my attitude changed – She asked if i was going through something and offered a listening ear. She joked that I need a timeout. Haha! But it’s painful to hear. It’s painful when I do not treat people with kindness.
I miss Isha. I miss her.